I’ve turned away from sweets at last.
It happens every New Year’s Day–
A resolution, you might say,
To read all labels in the store,
To pass by donuts, pies, and more.
Although this diet makes me wary,
My will must last ‘til February.
The list of contraband’s so long,
I could make up another song
That goes like this: “Your life is over;
You’re about to live on greens and clover.”
Dessert, of course, is gone for good—
If only I had understood:
No pasta, bread, juice, or sauce,
Dressings, wine—all is lost—
I can’t eat granola bars or dips,
Cold cereal or chocolate chips,
No pancakes or cookie dough
Or any snacks that end with 0.
My meals are bland, there’s no denying—
My head hurts from all this trying.
Sure, there’s Stevia and Nutra-Sweet,
But they can’t make my food complete!
There’s honey crystals or that Splenda–
Agave drops, what’s your agenda?
You blur my taste buds’ endless dream
Of maple syrup and ice cream.
Saliva forms inside my mouth;
I’ll run away, I’ll go down South
Toward cake, sweet tea, a piece of pie,
Where I’ll eat sugar ‘til I die.
It’s only 25 more days.
I see the finish, in a haze—
A brave new world that’s sugar-free—
It’s good for you, but not for me.
image by Jean Beaufort